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Women's Outreach and Resource Collective | A collaborative community for advocates of gender equity and social justice

The Battle of Modern Dating

By: Julia Repisky

In the past year, I’ve decided to jump back into the world of dating. As someone who hasn’t had much luck in this sphere, I honestly have no clue what I’m doing really. My high school relationship carried on into college, only to end in disaster. However, dating in your 20’s is a completely new area to me; I didn’t even do much dating in my teenage years. Confusion and nerves circulate through my body as I try to decipher what’s been going on. Where do I even begin? How can I find someone worthy of my time, especially after my past experiences? What are the rules now-a-days? How can I find the right guy for me on a campus that has around 30,000 other students?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to remain single. More time for yourself, right? That’s what I should focus on. Even though I’m a full-time student pursuing a double major and working a part-time job, every time I see my Facebook feed spammed with new relationships, engagements, and marriages, I feel like I’m doing something wrong with my life due to my lack of a love life.

I’m only 21 years old, yet half of my friends have already started having kids. Meanwhile, I sit here and binge-watch Netflix alone in my room. I’m not doing anything wrong; yet, I feel like as if I’m so far behind everyone else. So I have decided to lower my very thick and high walls and throw myself into the dating world. One thing I’ve learned is that dating is an endless and tiring battle, so anyone planning to date should prepare for some battle wounds.

The problem with dating now lies in its obscure nature. It is hard to meet someone in an area where there is an infinite amount of people, and it is equally hard to both get noticed and find someone worthwhile. At our age, it’s even more difficult to find someone who wants a substantial and wholesome relationship. People interact through texts rather than actual face-to-face conversations, making it difficult to determine what the other person is truly looking for.

After several unsuccessful trips to bars, parties, and social events, I decided to take a risk and try something new: online dating. Our society depends solely on digital platforms; so, online dating isn’t so strange anymore – well, at least I thought so. I didn’t have much luck through this method either. Guys had the audacity to actually message me saying “nice boobs” rather than a nice, simple “hello, how are you?” These men made attempts to get to know me. Some would take me on dates and make me feel as if the relationship were going somewhere other than a one-night stand only to destroy my single strand of hope by asking, “Are you going home tonight?” I began to feel as if maybe there’s really no one for me and that the guys I met wanted everything but a good, old-fashioned relationship.

If you’re like me, you want a companion, someone to act like a best friend with, a companion who will stay up all night playing video games or watching Netflix, and someone to whom you can come home after a long, gruesome day. I personally don’t want to be just another girl added to a guy’s list of girls he’s been with.  Even though I have had no success to this day, I still appreciate the struggle of searching for someone who wants me for me, not just for sex.

This battle has taught me more about myself than I would have learned otherwise. Overall, I’ve gained a new outlook on life. Throughout this process, I have become more independent and have learned how to respect myself more. I’ve learned to handle rejection and have accept the fact that dating is not an easy process. Good things take time. Discouragement in dating is inevitable, but I’ve learned to love myself no matter how blatantly disrespectful guys have acted toward me.

If you’re also fighting the battle of modern dating, don’t get discouraged. Realize that college is an awkward age where many don’t really even know what they want. We are all beautiful and we will hopefully have the opportunity to leave behind this nasty battle and walk into a new chapter in our lives.  Don’t allow others’ Facebook announcements to dampen your success and your attitude.  Instead, spend this time learning about yourself and realizing what a notable characteristic independence can be.


worcuga • April 23, 2014

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